As I said, we grew up together. I consider myself and Jen as soul-mates, more than her and Jack. We are even the closest of friends. She’s the kind of girl who values her thoughts and doesn’t let other people take it away from her. That’s the thing that I admire the most about her. Through her struggles, she always managed to get back on her feet again and again and again, and one certain thing about her is, regardless of her heart-aches with Dawson, Pacey, CJ or whoever it is, she’s never afraid to fall in love again. She’s definitely right about herself and I agree with her, that from the second she stepped out of that cab and set foot onto the creek, she was this instigator who grew and caused problems and rocked the creek and upset the delicate emotional balance of Capeside. Well, she may have caused all those troubles including the perfect romantic relationship between Dawson and Joey, but all along, she told herself that all she wanted in life is to love and be loved. And regardless of how her friends will feel towards her especially Joey, she’s never really ashamed to speak out and show her true feelings. She is brave, honest to her feelings, and she’s never really hard to fall in love with. After all, she’s got nothing to lose.
During those episodes of soul-searching and crying, (well, that’s every Tuesdays at 8:00 pm) I make it sure that I’m always at her side. She may have laughed with you, or she can be bitchy and drunk sometimes…but the true Jen is revealed when she’s come face to face with you and pour her purest thoughts. There were lonely nights when I cried with her too….and I fell in love with her the more. I recalled the nights she spent alone when she worked giving advices over the radio. Every time I hear her, she sounded smart and strong willed, but frail and unsure at the same time. You can tell that she had her ups and downs in life, in family, love, and past relationships. Because all these are reflected in the way she handles the world around her, and she always makes the most out of each experience. She wept, she cursed, she learned, she grew, and she smiled back at the world even if it’s sometimes unkind. That’s why I like her so much.
Jen is a gift and a true friend. Friendship she says “can never really be under estimated”. True, for she’s always there to keep you company whenever you’re down and she’s willing to throw you a nice drink and walk with you along the creek if you’ve got problems you’d want to discuss. I terribly miss those nights when I’m with her. But more than anything, I miss her as a friend. If only I could have my way of fixing her heart and cure her pain before she left. Or If only I could make her feel that she really belong, because she never really quite did, or so she felt.
Jen is all human. She committed a good deal of mistakes in her life and was never ashamed to correct them. She has a way of laughing at things even during the last minutes of her life. She knows how to forgive and ask forgiveness. She knows the value of friendship, family and life. And most importantly, she knows how to LOVE. I will always remember the words she said the day she went away:
“Seeing as how I won’t be around will thoroughly annoy you. So I thought I would give you a little list of the things that I wish for you. Well, there’s the obvious: education, Family, Friends, and the life that is full of the unexpected. We sure to make mistakes. We make a lot of them. Because there’s no better way to learn and to grow. I want you to spend a lot of time with the ocean. Because the ocean is for you to dream, and I insist that you be a Dreamer! God, well, sometimes I’ve never really believed in God. In fact there’s been a lot of time and energy trying to disprove that God exists. But I hope that you are able to believe in God. Because the thing that I’ve come to realize is, it just doesn’t matter if god exists or not. The important thing is for you to believe in something. Because I promise you, that belief will keep you warm at night, and I want you to feel safe always. And then, there’s love. I want you to love to the tips of your fingers. And when you find that love, wherever you find it, whoever you choose, don’t run away from it. But you don’t have to chase after it either. Just be patient and it will come to you, I promise, when you least expect it. Don’t be afraid and remember that to love means to live.”
You have no idea how I miss this girl. I wish I could bring back the good times with her, just even every Tuesdays @ 8:00. I just miss all the memories we’ve shared together back in the creek. I do hope we’ll cross each other’s paths again; although I know she’s never gonna come back again soon.
Michelle Williams who plays Jennifer Lindley in the teen series Dawson's Creek.
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