When I woke up a little early today, I've noticed how I have managed to subconsciously wrap myself in my blanket. It was cold, damn. I don't know, but the place looks gloomy. Damn. I got up, turned the fan off, and went back to bed. That's when i noticed something outside the window. Oh, great. Rain.
It seems that I was somehow affected by the rain. It's not that something like having cough or cold and stuff, but, I don't know, I somehow felt like so sad whenever the rain pours. Oh, crap. Maybe it's the gray sky. Or maybe it's the sound of pouring water. I really have no idea whatsoever.
In times like this, I remember those precious little memories that i kept, no matter how small it may be. I wasn't exactly an outgoing person. I'm the one whose more of a dork that's used to fade on the background. But I remember those good times when people insisted to have me somewhere with them. Oh, I've never felt so needed.
I remember a time when a good friend of mine used to literally drag me out of the house just to be sure I'll go with him. Oh, shit. I was topless, and that friend really did a lot of digging in my nasty drawers just to find a shirt. I was shirtless that time. Oh, well, so much of a good friend. She's my sister, I can tell.
I remember when I was such a stupid dolt that I was so shy while attending a party, I didn't even want to get up on my chair even though I really want to take a leak. There's this one girl that, really, asked me out, asked me to dance with her. Being as stupid as I was, I said no, I'm shy, I'm sorry. Oh crap. I'm such a dork. Well, that's the best about teens. You can be as stupid as you want without anyone caring at all, because they went as stupid as you, too.
I remember when I cried over the phone because of, well, another girl. Aww, goddamnit. Melodramatic bastard. No, really - I cried. She's so nice and understanding, and yeah, whatever. At least, even I am a dork, I have enjoyed this transition. I can say that I wasn't really left along the tracks.
I remember when I used to make lame excuses just to not to attend a reunion or a birthday party or an outing. I wasn't kidding when I told you I am pretty much left out. I just don't feel I'm very much needed, but they keep on telling me that I should go. No, scratch that - I must go. Knowing that I am easily irritated by jokes they tell me that they'll come on my house and pick me up and literally drag the living hell out of me. They said that they just want me to be there and be with them in that little moment of happiness over a bottle of brandy. But I don't like it. I told them that wasn't everyday at school's enough? Well, I'm so hard to myself.
I remember those, and a lot more. I couldn't get enough, but I know that I must stop. Because in reality, those times wouldn't and can't be brought back. This is so much for remembering. I must stop.
Finding -Marco-™ Harlequin Lover
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